Word 'PLEASE'

[cvrle77]

Ever had a second thought about this word? If no, read this article, it's something you MUST know in your life time.

Well, few days ago, I had a discussion about that word with a friend of mine. We talked if this word represents a form of courtesy or something else. Here's what my thoughts are about it.

Why do they say it's 'magic' words?

See, word 'please' is magic, because it manipulates other person without him ever conciously knowing that (if we take a sample of people who's self awarenes in on normal level). We use that word to force someone to do something for us. Why did I said force?

Ok, here's the situation:

1. Watching game with friends, spills beer on the floor, saying to wife:

"Can you please bring me sponge from the kitchen"

When you use word 'please' like in this example, you don't leave a choice to that person, to answer you 'no'. You conditioned her, to do what you asked for, leaving her only a choice to be rude, in case she wants to deny doing what you requested. This is why it's manipulation of other person, she will have to accept doing something instead of becoming rude. This is why it's magic, because it leaves no decent choice to other person, to refuse to do something.

2. Can you please do a logo for me?

In this case, again, choice for the person that got asked this question is to: accept, willingly or unwillingly, or refuse, and become rude. Word please is used to secure our chances in getting something from others.

3. Can you please hold the doors for me?

Imagine refusing holding doors to someone, because yourself could be in such rush, that you can't wait few seconds, holding doors to someone capable of holding his own doors. That would be rude.

Now, imagine a different scenario, how we got used to be 'pleased' for something, that we won't do something, unless we are being 'pleased'.

4. Hey, can you make me a logo, check here, I wanna replace this crap

Now, since we didn't used word 'please', ordinary guys would think we are being rude. On the contrary, we left a space for person, to choose what he wants to do, without trying to influence his opinion, and without leading him toward our own selfish goals.

5. Could you go get few beers for us darling?

No, I have something to do, can you go yourself? Sure darling.

This is a situation, where we didn't conditioned someone to do what we asked for, and left them a choice, without treating them like trash and leaving them no choice but to accept to execute our commands like a damn robots.

So, what's polite in manipulating other person, conditioning him to do something he might not want, and doing that only not to become rude?

 

[ThumperTM]

Please :S

 

[Rox]

Well, it depends on the person using it. If I know that the person uses it way too often to get advantage then I would not hesitate to say NO or even FUCK OFF. If it is for a genuine reason I would definitely oblige since helping one another is what human beings must be doing.

 

[To0]

Please can be used in manipulation form, but in the instances you have provided I feel that you are not grasping the mutual understanding of these situations.

You have referred in this sentence here to a man & wife: "Can you please bring me sponge from the kitchen"

Clearly this is an established relationship where both parties know one another. The man being the husband does many daily tasks, such as physical upkeep of the house and more than likely providing for his wife and family. I think in most instances the man of the house wouldn't have to say please, it's just his way of being polite to his wife. If I were to ask my fiance to get me a sponge without saying please, it would be done without question. Please in this form is just a polite courteous gesture on behalf of the male counterpart to his female counterpart. This instance is clearly not manipulation. Wife could easily say no, you can do it yourself. Please is just a word and doesn't force anyone to do anything.

Again we have another question: Can you please do a logo for me?
I do not see where the manipulation comes into effect here. When asking someone to do a logo for you, compensation is more often than not expected. The correct response to this would be something along the lines of: "Sure, what size and what is your budget". I do not see how this is a forceful way to get something done. This instance is clearly not manipulation.

Even without the word please in a sentence someone could still feel manipulated or liable to do something. Let's go back to the husband and wife situation.

1.) Could you go get few beers for us darling?
2.) Can you please bring me sponge from the kitchen?

There is not a single difference in these two questions other than they are worded slightly differently and one is lacking the word "please". Anyone who has even minimum self-esteem or is truly in a relationship with someone can say NO or YES freely to both of these with or without the word please.

I think that the assumption that the word please is used as a manipulating factor is quite crazy.

This is what I asked my fiance last night:
"Baby will you please suck my balls".

She complied more eagerly than even I expected, this is not a forced method. She could have said no, and has in the past (sometimes she doesn't like my sweaty balls in her mouth).

An individual can use any word, sentence or form of communication as a method of manipulation. The word please doesn't have to be present for this to take effect, but it indeed can be. These situations outlined above in my opinion do not represent manipulation because the situations are on a more personal level. Please is just used as a polite courteous gesture in all of these provided above. Individuals have the choice to say no, or to ignore these requests if they wish.

 

[cvrle77]

Well, I made examples with normal situations, where manipulation go totally unnoticed.
There's a question that rises, why husband didn't go for sponge himself, since he's the one who spilled the beer.

I hope you get me on this, why I'm saying it's manipulation. Manipulation doesn't have to be malicious, and make someone jump off the building, it's used in casual talk, and goes completely unnoticed by both parties. Usually, unless analyzed, we're not aware of the power of that word, and we don't give it any particular attention thinking it's just a way of being polite. But on the contrary, it's just masking manipulation, behind exuse of politeness. That husband in that sentence is having both hands, both legs, and is able to take that sponge himself. But he doesn't, he asks another person to do it for him.

Now, we can have 2 situations of same thing, and describe them both the same.

Can you give me the sponge.
Can you please give me the sponge.

First example, just like second, when looked through negative situation, tells us that husband is lazy ass, that can't pick sponge, but is sending his wife to do it instead of him.

Now, in first example, he's giving her choice to refuse that, still keeping politeness in his wording. He's ready to accept no as an answer. Now, I personally consider that more polite, and more respectful toward another human being, than putting him in unpleasant situation where someone have only a choice of being rude.

But in second example, when using word 'please', he is conditioning her in a manner, that if she refuses, and he said please, she will be rude, so she doesn't have a normal choice to escape doing that, like in first example. She CAN refuse, that's not an issue, but WHEN she refuses, he will take that as rude answer.

I took the word 'please', because it's the most common used word for this, and hides incredible influence power. It's not called 'magic word' (that can open iron doors) for no reason.

I know you never thought about it, but think, when someone is capable of doing something on his own, and is 'pleasing' you for help, is that a genuine request, or there's some underlying reason, why person doesn't do it by himself? Do you ever think about it, or just do it, without thinking, regardless if it's your best friend, girlfriend, wife, kid, parents or someone you just met online?

 

[JmZ]

Its just a word, you guys are looking into it far too much.

Being polite to someone often means you will get a polite response, simple. Common sense, logically.

 

[cvrle77]

This is more a matter of psychology. Also, this topic isn't generalizing things, I never said everyone and always use 'please' to manipulate others. But, it's something that should be taken with grain of salt.
'Please' is not always politeness. Just like not saying please is not always rude.

 

[Yud!]

You're Actually right cvrle77 You just changed my perception about the word.
People should be courteous in general. Avoids argument, increases understanding at that particular point as the other person actually wants to hear you out & not ignore you in general i guess. [hmmm]